When Hair Crushes Turn To Hair Envy

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“I wish my hair was like Tracee Ellis Ross…’”

It’s subtle. It creeps in. Sadly, it turns innocent, girlish hair crushes into hair frustration. It’s texture envy. The dark secret of Team Natural is out.

Some natural-haired folks are crazed over the tresses of their “hairspirations” and “hair crushes” to the point of near obsession in trying to recreate the same results on their own heads–and disappointment when the results aren’t the same. (By the way, men are not exempt from texture envy, because there are plenty of dudes who are sportin’ waves daily. And who could forget the texturizer phase?) Texture envy pushes Team Natural a few steps back after taking so many steps forward. Perhaps shrinkage and a slightly asymmetrical ‘fro offend so much that a mass of cloned curls would seem appealing.

Now, don’t take a desire for neatly styled hair as being texture envy. It’s not. Applying a frizz-free product or a curl enhancing cream to your hair in no way means you hate your hair. Gel your edges back if you want. No big deal. Perhaps you want a relaxer—totally fine and totally not texture envy. There isn’t anything wrong with changing your hair or experimenting with your hair through various temporary and permanent styling methods. There is a problem, however, with wishing to the point of unhappiness with your own strands and wanting something else on your head. That’s what differentiates texture envy from a hair crush, or a nightly Bantu knot routine.

Plain and simple, texture envy has origins in insecurity. For some, it’s shaky comfort levels one has with their hair. For others, it could start with the way one assumes others perceive their hair that nurtures this envy. Once a hair crush transforms into texture envy, it lowers confidence in your own hair, meaning you may not be on the path you think you’re on when it comes to accepting your hair. If you’ve started a natural hair journey as part of a self-discovery process, it’s especially important to notice that your hair frustrations may have taken root in jealousy. Forcing your hair to go on someone else’s hair journey doesn’t help either. Don’t let texture envy cause you to make drastic, irrational decisions when it comes to your hair in an effort to ‘solve’ your not-quite 3c/4a mix, or whatever hair number you read that you were online. Insecurities impact every person in life, and not only through hair issues. Those moments of doubt shouldn’t cause sluggishness in the way you view yourself and your hair.

There isn’t always a magical way to transition with ease into caring for natural hair that zigs and zags as it wants. But remember, the zig and the zag is beautiful. The coil is great. The coarse, textured ‘almost curl’ is fantastic. Don’t covet the strands growing from another person’s scalp. Celebrate what you’ve got going on. Let’s make a collective effort to compliment what other women have going on as well. We have to be the ones to advocate celebrating the diversity in our looks. Stop arguing over hair-typing and strand density. There is no curl-size fits all. Don’t get so worked up over obtaining perfect hair. Your hair is great. Really, it is. And so are you.

– See more at: http://madamenoire.com/435119/hair-crushes-turn-hair-envy/#sthash.EfTLv5GN.dpuf